Chapter 2
Memories - they can be very frightening. My mind feels like a spiderweb that just had a baseball go through the center of it. I have several memories (or are they dreams?) that don't seem to make sense. How can they when they seem to conflict with established knowledge and each other? Who am I really/ What's the point of it all? What is today? Confusion, contradiction are the mainstream of the day.
I vaguely remember odds and ends. I vaguely remember one time meeting this one lady. Was it just a dream, hope, or a partially remembered memory? I jad just left somewhere, not sure where, and wanted to wet my whistle. I had entered the resturant and found a table. She had come up to me and talked with me briefly. Then, she was gone. I didn't think too much about it. She was a nice lady. It was the first time I had met her, but not the last time I would see her.
Many memories I have are of her. I could recall a few of them, but yet I feel like I shouldn't be able to. After all, they don't seem to fit in with the puzzle. Could she really be a part of the solution or am I just seeing an oasis in the middle of a desert of confusion? Is she a missing link to it all? Or am I making things more difficult by trying to see a solution that doesn't exist?
There are so many questions that are floating in my mind. It reminds me of a time years ago (or was it years ago?) when I was sitting in a resturant. A few people were there. A young girl came up to me and tugged on my shirt. Looking over at her, I smiled and asked," What can I do for you?" She handed me a little card. I looked at it and saw a foriegn language. Before I could ask, she ran away giggling and smiling. So many questions I had for her. I put the card on the table and pondered it.
Trying to stare at it until an answer jumped out, I wasn't getting any closer. Questions poured forth like rain drops in a down pour. It was one of those situations in life where answers wait that way they can tease you and make you want to know them even more. I never did find out what it meant as far as I can remember... (Or did I and I just forgot?) I wonder whatever happened to the card. Seaching my mind so hard, I ended up getting a headache.
Sitting on a rock, I sighed and rubbed my temples. Closing my eyes, I wondered about all the sorts of questions trampling my poor little mind. The journey of life had been quite interesting to me. Maybe one day I can piece together it all. Who knows? My past can't be fully hidden form me. I've tried to avoid it and look what happens - it comes around to tease me with a little bit of information. I give up and just try to learn who I really am. But how can I do it? I've tried the most logical path, but it failed? What can I try next? What's the answer?
I signed and looked up at the night time sky. My eyes found the Zachrin Constellation. "The stars above, let them by my guide," I commented out loud. The sailors used them as a guide, why couldn't I? Maybe they knew more of my past than I do? What's humorous is they seem to be an intimate part of my memories. Is there something that ties me to the stars? Have they played with my past and hidden them from my view like they hide the sunlight?
Ah, memories, they can be so fleeting, so confusing, so contradicting. They come and go as they please. Some say we are the masters of memories, but I protest! Are we not slaves to memories? They can control us. They can cuase us irrational fears. They can dictate how we react. Maybe, just maybe, one can conquer our memories and become one iwht them. Maybe we can be masters of memores if only we know them as well as they know us.
Someone, somewhere once told me that memories are glances into who we were and who we are will determine our future memories. Can I learn what my future memories are going to be today or must I wait? Can I get a glimpse into the future so I can truly learn a little bit more about myself. Let my memories come near and dear to me quickly or else I may never learn who I am.
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