Chapter 4
Disappointment and failure - that's all I've ran into so far. When will mylife give me something else to see? Seaching deparately for answers and yet grasping at the wind. Is it all futile? What's the point? Did I have one? At sometime, I probably did, but I don't remember what is was.
Maybe the answer is in front of me. Maybe I will look back and laugh about how stupid I am. Maybe one day I'll be teased about all of this by my friends. Who are my friends? Where are they? Why don't they recognize me? Where are they in my time of need? Alone I sit on this rock wondering what good are memories if they seem so disconnected, so unreal.
But are they real? They don't connect with me in some ways. In other ways they feel like a part of me. Are they really memories or just hopes of the past gone awry? Listen to me! I've started doubting everything. The one little belief of who I was has been trampled by emotions, hopes, and fears.
Have I lost me? Where can I find me? Does anyone have a clue or maybe a map? Listen to myself ramble. What good does it do? For what point does this accomplish? Maybe just maybe I can find a clue myself.
The ring is nice. it seems to fit very well. Too well. Maybe it's a clue to my past or at least to someone who might know my path. I seem to recall the vision I had included April. But why her? Was she someone special to me? Did she have any feelings for me? Was it a hope? A dream? Or was I lucky enough to be someone who she wanted?
Did she spend time thinking of me? Did she love me? Did I love her? Did she love someone I knew? Or did I love someone who reminds me of her? Is my mind using her as a gateway to the one I love? What answers can I get?
The answer is simple and the solution complex. I know what I have to do. I know I can't sit back any longer. I have to run after the answer. The questions I can't take. Some sort of answers I need and I know that it can't be found here. I need to return to the one place I start me journey from.
I must search out answers. I am very certain of who I am not, but I must prove it beyond a shadow of doubt. Once I have done that, maybe it will give me more clues. Maybe just maybe then I'll get the answers I want or rather I need. Sometimes in life we get what we need rather than what we want. Sometimes in life, we are lucky enough to get both what we need and what we want.
My quest is simple. I need to find who I am again. I need to find who these memories and hopes and dreams are related to. I need to find the answer to why I was brough on this quest. Simple answer, complex solutions, right?
Staring up, I saw a shooting star. "I wish that I find my answer," I commented out loud. I heard footsteps approaching and I turned around. "Your answers are in your memories," a female voice told me. I awaited to see the face. My heard sped up in anticipation. Is this the moment?
I saw the shadowy outline and wanted to run towards it. Why? I didn't know, but after hearing the voice I just wanted to. After all, it was hers. My breathe was held waiting to see her, for her to explain everything. Maybe just maybe she would tell me that everything was okay. Maybe our alarm would go off and she would be holding me in her arms, gently caressing me, and kissing me telling me that it was just a bad dream.
I would then run my fingers through her hair and smile. "You are right, dear. It was so scary," I would tell her. My fears, my doubts would all be dissipated quickly. She would kiss my lips and tell me how silly I was and how everything is okay. She would hold me tight and remind me of how great it is to be there. I would realize that it was all just a dream and smile. Staying into her eyes, I would remember how great it is to be there with her.
Slowly, the face was illuminated and I had been brought back to reality. "What's up, Alex," Chris asked. "Just stargazing," I said trying to hide my obvious disappointment, but failing miserably. "Oh, I see. Well, maybe I should leave you alone then," he commented. I watched as he left and the feelings of loneliness poured back in.
For that one moment, everything was perfect. I knew how the story went or so it seemed. I knew she was near, but how? Where is she? How can I find her? Most importantly, who is she? I hope I find her soon or else my face will be covered in tears that no one should ever see.
[ Chapter 3 ] [ Memories, Part II, Chapter 1 ]
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