Chapter 2
In the darkness I sit, I'm not sure what has happened. I am not sure what will happen. I sit here alone waiting for the occasional meal that is delivered. There is no concept of time for me. It just keeps on moving. My memory of why I am here is gone. I don't know if I am a prisoner for a crime or of a war.
Little do I remember. I know not even my name. My first conscious moments involve extreme light that was blinding. From there, I remember just bits and pieces. When I became fully coherent, I was locked here with nothing but my own thoughts of confusion. My memory seems to be misplaced.
I have no idea why things are the way they are. I recall one of them being called Doctor Rosen. This one doctor appears to be most interested in my condition. The others seem to fear me more than anything. I don't know what to think of this. Am I an experiment of theirs? Is there something they know that they are not telling me?
I sit here and wonder sometimes. I can tell I've had some serious injuries at one time or another. The scar on my chest. The scratches across my back. The little pains that prick my silence. Doctor Rosen seems the nicest of the few. She's been taking very good care of me. She looks after me and argues for better conditions for me.
She doesn't always win, but she tries. They don't know that I can speak yet as I am afraid of what will happen when I do. They tend to observe me as if I am some sort of animal that they are experimenting on. So far, they haven't proded me like one. Of course, I have no idea how it might end up though.
My captors, thought, to my immediate knowledge have not hurt me. They have treated me relatively fairly all things considered. I can't complain all that much. Maybe they are protecting me from something. For all I know they are actually keeping me safe. I would like to know for myself, but sometimes fear that if I speak, then I might learn the truth.
Someone once said that the truth is like bitter wine. Sometimes it's better to look at it afar off than to taste of it's bitterness. Then again, another said truth hurts. Throughout all of this though, my mind argues that maybe I should break the silence. What if I do ask and I find the truth to be sweeter than the sweetest fruit? Then I will look back and tell myself how silly I have been for hiding behind my fears.
It is interesting to look at oneself and learn so much and yet know little. I don't know my past, but I know I am one who likes to write down things. I can sense it. Something tells me that I am missing someone, but alas I can't gather who I might be missing. Is it a relative? I don't think it is. I think it might be someone... on a different level.
I should be fed sometime soon. I am sure of it. It seems like a while since the last time I was given food. The food here is not so bad. I think I've had better, but I can't say that I have either. It's just one of the many things I know that I should know, but don't. That is so frustrating! Why is it that I can't remember these things? Is it my mind coping with the situation? Is it a coping process? Is it something that they did? Why can't I remember? Sometimes I lost my patience with myself. I think and think and try to remember, but fail. When I fail, it only makes me try harder and harder until I get a splitting headache.
I await a day though that my memories will come back to me. Doctor Rosen said that they will in time and that it's just a matter of time. She tries to reassure me that things will get better for me shortly. She tells me that my progress is good and that soon everything will come together. I'm not sure what that means. There are several ways I could take it. I want to take it in the best possible way. Maybe there was just an accident and I am being fully recovered here for my sake. After all, I don't know much about the medical practices of wherever and whomever I am with now.
All I can do is sit and wait. Maybe things will get better. Maybe I shall sit back one day and laugh about all that happened. Maybe everything will be back to whatever my normal is. I'll relearn everything and my life will return to what it was before with no questions left unanswered about the past. I'll look forward to a future goal that I have yet to realize at my current condition. I'll have much to look forward to. I just have to remind myself that in due time all will come clear or at least so I have been told. I hope it does.
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